When your body talks

My body has been talking to me for a while.

Pains and symptoms that I tried to write off as perimenopause. Changes to my body odor. Autoimmune flare ups. And then there was The Nudge. That feeling that something was off. Which eventually came as a non-negotiable directive that I could neither explain nor deny: something's not right.

I am privileged to have insurance and access to healthcare. And thankfully I have a doctor who listened to me and respected my body's messages.

One diagnostic led to another and before I knew it, my doctor said, "There's good news and bad news; which do you want first?"

(I'm a bad news first kind of person. I like ending on a high-note.)

"The bad news is something is wrong. The good news is we can fix it."

The "something" was cancer in my uterus. The "fix" was a hysterectomy.


Even though I am in a deep, collaborative relationship with my body and take time to listen to her daily, it still shocked me that she was right! She was trying to tell me something. I did, in fact, pick up on messages that my brain didn't understand.

My surprise shows me how trained we are in avoidance, denial and numbing when it comes to our bodies. Our own bodies!

This mistrust is so woven throughout the fabric of our conditioning that most of us don't even know to question it. Let alone how to interpret the messages the body sends... how to have a conversation with ourselves. How to listen.

Now, of course, The Nudge is different than paranoia. A question I hear often is, How do I know if it is fear or intuition? Particularly for those of us who are exquisitely in touch with our internal sensations (called interoception), we can become overly sensitized, startling at every little gurgle and twinge. Like everything, it's a practice and it takes practice. Like learning a new language, be it French or the language of the body, it takes time, patience and dedication.

As a practice of deepened attunement and connection with all aspects of ourselves, Yoga gives us an opportunity to strengthen those skills. Not only paying attention inside the soma--the body--but also the Great Mystery, the invisible parts of our psyche and the depths of our intuition.

In her book Conscious Femininity, Marion Woodman speaks it so beautifully:

Warning signs are to be heard and obeyed. Rather being ignored, starved, gorged or made drunk, the body must be attended to. When the body is fully open, we can trust our own feelings and actions; they anchor us in an inner home. The body protects and guides us -- its symptoms are signposts that reconnect us to our lost soul.

If I'm making this sound like I have it all figured out, I assure you, I do not! Nor is this suggesting that you are flawed if you did not receive or notice signs from your body, or that you in any way caused a health event. Illness is impersonal and in many ways mysterious.

For me, following this thread and finding a diagnosis was at least two parts luck. That said, our bodies are the one thing we all have free and instant access to. After all, it is our most intimate relationship! I believe we can learn to be in partnership with our bodies, see the body as an ally and learn its delicate language. And we can get exponentially better at it with interest and practice.

To build this skill, Woodman suggests, "Give the body an hour a day and really listen."


You may know my womb and I have been through a lot together. Rather than the Why questions, rather than imagining this as some unprocessed lesson, the meaning I am making is that this part of me needs love. In collaboration with my body, I am in a moment that is taking me toward wholeness and wellness. How can I love myself, how can I love what is right in front of me, through this ending and a subsequent beginning?


So I invite you, friend, to spend that hour with yourself today. Just listening. Just being with. No conclusions, no managing. Just loving what is right in front of you.

Michelle Marlahan
Where Self Care becomes Soul Care

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Many thanks to my dear friend Alicia for the soft, cuddly uterus.