One of my most humbling stories
Some years ago I went on a trip to Nepal. I was with a group of dear yogi friends and most of the trip was scheduled with a full itinerary of tours and sights to see. It was a big trip for me and I was both excited and a little anxious.
A few days in, we were scheduled to go on a multi-day trek through the Himalayas and, to be honest with you, I didn't want to go. I did a lot of rationalizing and self-criticizing: You're just nervous because it's new and unfamiliar. You're being paranoid, everything is fine. You came to be adventurous, so be adventurous!
The day before we were to leave for the trek, I wrote in my journal: Ok, powers that be... if I am not supposed to go tomorrow, give me a sign.
Everywhere I went that day, I looked for a sign. A sign that I should go, a sign that I should not go.
I didn't get a sign. That night I wrote, Ok, I guess I'm going.
Let's just say the trek did not go well. I had kidney issues (I am prone to kidney stones) and felt horrible and scared... at 11,000 feet in the Himalayas. Miraculously, I made it down the mountain and back to Kathmandu where our original hotel was. Ultimately, I missed the second half of the trip, which was through India, and came home early.
While recovering at home, I was sharing with a friend about my search for a sign of whether to go on the trek or not. To which she replied, "MICHELLE... you asking for the sign WAS THE SIGN."
This seems so obvious now. In fact, I feel a little silly sharing the story. But I also have compassion for that version of me who was dysregulated, out of her comfort zone, doing her best.
I think about this experience often when I am faced with a decision.
How often I look outside of myself for answers or justification.
How foreign it can be to do what I want simply because I want it.
Certainly my yoga practice helps with this. As do intentional moments of quiet. Along with trusted friends and support.
In my work, I am eternally curious about how we -- especially those of us socialized as women -- can strengthen our trust in our own inner voice. It's probably why my studies have taken me into the deep mysteries of the body, the dynamic process of life, and Sacred Depth coaching.
So, friend... Is there a sign you're waiting for? Are you looking for external permission or approval? Do you have your own version of this story?
With love and warm wishes,
