Let go or be dragged
Michelle here.
Because I know what it's like to feel alone... in a marriage, in a diagnosis, in healing (which is usually preceded by an unraveling)...
I wanted to tell you a little more about myself.
For as simply as my life started out (on a farm with all kinds of animals in a town of 700 people), Act Two has gone by the motto, “Let go or be dragged.”
Aside from the farm and the small town (and an old-fashioned co-dependent household), my early life was pretty standard.
I left for college at 18 and took the scenic route through the education system and graduated in my mid-20s with no idea what I wanted to do.
But I was motivated (I’m a double Capricorn, so, you know, that’s our thing), so I stayed the course and ended up landing a job as a Business Consultant, got married and bought my first house at 29.
My dad was proud.
Not long after this, things started to unravel.
Yoga was becoming more of a grounding force in my life, and after teaching for a few years, I opened a studio in 2005 called It’s All Yoga.
Running the studio and working full time proved to be unsustainable, to say the least.
My health suffered and my marriage was strained.
I actually contemplated letting go of the studio, even though it was the thing I loved.
Thankfully, I decided to go with my heart, and after a couple of years, I took the Big Leap and left the corporate world to run the business.
I realized soon that business is spiritual.
It will put you up against all your stuff – beliefs, limits, fears, and neuroses.
I learned SO much in the 12 years I ran the brick-and-mortar It’s All Yoga.
It wasn’t just business stuff I was dealing with, though. My marriage ultimately ended, leaving me, at 40, with the reality that I probably would not be a biological mother.
And then… life changes in the instant, as Joan Didian says.
At 42, in a new relationship, I found out I was pregnant.
Seeing that "+" symbol on the First Response stick was wholly unbelievable. The fact is that I'd struggled with infertility in my 30s and was told I couldn't get pregnant without medical intervention.
As much as getting pregnant was a shock, there was an equal one coming. In my second trimester, results from a blood test showed a chromosomal issue,
a terminal diagnosis.
My world broke into a million pieces.
It’s hard to describe what that time was like, how dark it got. I was angry at everything, including my body, including yoga. There is no instruction manual for grief and my Underworld Tour redefined almost everything in my life.
A few years after the baby, I sold the studio and set out to relearn who I was. If this sounds romantic or whimsical, trust me it was not.
Let go or be dragged.
To give even more context, I've had 3 surgeries in 4 years, including a hysterectomy after finding I had endometrial cancer. (Read more about how my body told me something was wrong here.)
I share my story lightly, knowing you have your own events and heartbreaks. (Thank you for reading if you've come this far!)
[Side note: One of the things that supports me to find hidden patterns in my mood and health issues is my Personal Tracker ... if you would like to use it, you can get it by clicking here.]
I can say this for sure: the most important work I’ve done is learning to listen to my intuition and align with my deepest values to strengthen my sense of self.
Now in my 50s, I'm no longer infatuated with fancy poses. I mean, I want to be strong and supple, but I'm not out to prove anything.
And maybe most exciting, I reopened It’s All Yoga as a virtual studio and welcome people to be our whole, messy and magical selves together.
These stories that change the pattern of the tapestry of our lives are important. And sometimes they want to be shared.
If you have a story you’d like to share – be it loss, a diagnosis or a celebration – I’d love to bear witness.
Just reply to this email.
With Love & Tenderness,
