Keep Track of Your Beans
This year's holiday survival tip comes from the funny, heartwarming, and smart PBS Masterpiece series, Astrid. The namesake main character helps solve mysteries and goes on ethereal adventures with her crime-fighting partner. Astrid has Asperger's syndrome, which in her case makes her a memory wizard, expertly analytical, and exquisitely sensitive.
Because of this sensitivity superpower, Astrid can easily become overstimulated, overwhelmed, and/or fatigued. In order to stay balanced in her energy and well-being, she has a simple and genius way to assess her capacity and communicate her needs.
It goes like this.
Every day, Astrid gets 10 "beans" to spend on the activities and demands of the day. Throughout the day, those beans get spent -- a work meeting might take 4 beans, going into a crowded coffee shop could take 3 beans, a conversation with her crime-fighting partner might be 2 beans. Whatever the activity, Astrid has to decide if she has enough precious beans to complete the task without going into a deficit.
There are times when Astrid doesn't have enough beans to cover what is being asked of her. If she's out of beans, it's a no-go. Even if she has enough beans, she has to consider what other activities the day holds and decide on her highest priorities.
As a highly sensitive person (HSP), the bean model makes me very happy. A simple representation of how much energy different tasks require -- yay! We even reference "beans" in my house and it's been a helpful way to communicate my needs and limits. It's made it easier for my husband to understand why I sometimes decline invitations that he's really excited about.
That's part of the brilliance -- what takes 5 beans for me might take only 2 beans for you. Sharing about our bean expenditure could help us understand ourselves -- and each other -- better.
Holidays Take Extra Beans
It's a particularly timely model to consider in the holiday season, which can be loaded, over-stimulating, and wrought with pressure. I often hear from coaching clients who overestimate what they can do in a day and end up dreadfully overextended. It's not only the headache, aching feet, and exhaustion that come with being depleted. The shame and feelings of failure that come with not being Superwoman can be just as painful.
And that's on a Tuesday in June. The holidays turn the dial up to 100.
Consider for a moment what you already have on your calendar for the next 30ish days. In addition to the things on your to-do list. On top of the "regular life" stuff that keeps you and your household in good stead. How do you feel just thinking about all of it? I hope you feel great. But if not, maybe the bean model could help.
Pre-Plan Your Beans
What if you planned your day based on the bean method? It might help set expectations on what you can realistically do in a day. For example, if I am going to a group gathering in the evening, I know I need to have at least 5 beans left at the end of the day. If I spend most of my beans and have only 2 left for the party, I'll feel overwhelmed and emotional, I won't want to go - and if I do go, I'll be wiped out the next day. Even though I enjoy connecting and socializing, being in groups takes a lot of beans.
Yes, unexpected things come up -- a neighbor pops by, the dog eats something weird and gets diarrhea, you have to deal with the extra work thing. In which case, those beans are withdrawn from the plan and redirected. But starting with a realistic idea helps.
Maximizing Your Beans
If you don't sleep well, you don't start the day with the full 10 beans. If you live with chronic pain or have a cold, you don't have 10 beans. If you are grieving, you don't have 10 beans.
There are ways to maximize your beans -- eat whole, healthy foods, drink lots of water, move your body every day, go to bed before 10 pm.
There are other factors out of your control that affect how many beans you start with. Only you know what you're starting with and you don't have to justify your bean supply to anyone.
Replenishing Beans
There are times and experiences during the day that are neutral and require no beans. Ideally, there are times and experiences that give back a bean or two. Hugs, quiet time outside, a bath -- again, like with your starting supply, only you know what replenishes your energy and inner resources.
Imagine...
What if you got 10 beans at the start of each day? (You can actually take 10 dried beans from the pantry and try it!) You would decide how many beans (how much energy, how many internal resources) each activity and interaction required and subtract those beans accordingly, without going into debt. You would be aware of your energy level during the day. You would track how you slept, how you fueled yourself. You'd say, No, thank you when you were low on beans. You'd have less stress and fewer headaches.
Look back just on your past week: How many beans do you think you had at the end of each day? Were you ever in the red? Would you have allocated your energy differently?
I'd love to hear... and if you got this far, thanks for reading!
With love,
